If you are reading this then you just found out you are dealing with an unexpected pregnancy, maybe this is your first child or your third or fourth one. No matter what it is having an unplanned pregnancy is a shock. I want to tell you congratulations even if you are unsure how to feel right now. I know how you feel because I just found out we are having another baby and it was not planned or expected, I wasn’t super excited like I felt I should be.
Many thoughts run through your head at first and you might want to be happy and excited but you just aren’t and that momma is okay! You are allowed to feel like you do right now, it’s a lot to handle and it doesn’t make you a bad person.
You may not realize it now but this little miracle is a precious gift and one day you will find yourself holding them in your arms and unable to imagine the world without them. Sometimes the unexpected ones turn out to be the biggest blessings and the greatest gifts.
You are wondering I’m sure about how you are supposed to deal with being pregnant when you weren’t planning on it, here are some tips to help you come to terms with your pregnancy and move forward. If you feel alone in this you are not alone momma, I am walking this journey with you and here to help you get through this.
How To Deal With An Unexpected Pregnancy
You are probably feeling like things are out of control and you can’t think straight, finding out you are pregnant is making your head spin. In life, I don’t believe anything happens by accident and you may not see the big picture right now but God has a plan for your little one and you play a big part in that.
You were given a gift and to not accept it is a slap in the face and even if it takes you months to come to terms with the reality of another baby or your first one, it is going to be okay. You will make this work and not imagine life without them!
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How Common Is Unexpected Pregnancy
Did you know that 1 out of every 2 pregnancies is unplanned according to womenshealth.gov, which means that most women that get pregnant didn’t plan on having a baby at that moment but ended up pregnant? Most of us on this planet were not planned, how do you plan a pregnancy really!
You can try for months to get pregnant and get frustrated and hurt and go through a lot of emotions and depression. Most couples end up pregnant when they stop trying or thinking about it and move on with life until one day they are having a baby.
Honestly not one of my pregnancies was planned, not one! I was pregnant with my daughter unexpectedly at the age of 20 and I was newly married and had no clue what I was doing, nor did we have a place to live at the time. It wasn’t ideal but I wouldn’t ever wish that it didn’t happen, she is a wonderful person and turning sixteen now.
My son was a big surprise for my second husband and me because we were newly engaged and hadn’t talked about having kids yet nor did we think it was the right time, we wouldn’t have it any other way looking back on it. He is my biggest joy and full of laughter and goofiness, I love him more than I ever thought possible.
My little man is three and a half now and this pregnancy now, though not planned the timing is perfect for having another child for my son to play with and we will find a way to make it work because what other choice do we have. There is a reason why I am not so excited about it and that is because I have diastasis recti that isn’t fully healed and I will have to have another C section (making this my third one), postpartum was really hard the last time and doing it all over again makes me cringe a lot. Truthfully I am scared this time around!!
What To Do When You Have An Unexpected Pregnancy
What do you do now that you are pregnant? First, you make a doctors appointment so that you can find out how far along you are and make sure everything is okay (it can take a month to get in or longer so do this right away) then you take the time to absorb the news and allow yourself to go through all of the emotions that come along with it, you might cry for a while and that is totally okay.
Every child brings so much to the world and even if you aren’t excited about it right now give yourself time to process it and get used to the idea, like it or not you are pregnant and having a baby. You can do this momma it’s not the end of the world but a beginning to something more.
For more information on your first trimester symptoms and to-do-list for a baby number 2, you may find this article very helpful. If this is your first pregnancy this article What You Need to Do When You Find Out You are Pregnant will help you figure out what you need to do right now.
You can be angry that the timing isn’t right for you and your husband and that is okay as well, let those emotions roll out until you find your peace and start to embrace the fact that you are growing a real live person inside of you that is nothing short of a miracle.
You might feel selfish for thinking that this can’t be happening and it’s okay to feel that way, you aren’t selfish just in shock. You may have to reorganize your life to accommodate this new baby but you don’t have to do it right this second. You will find a way to work through this, take it one step at a time, one day at a time.
Tell Supportive People
It took me two weeks maybe even three (I was pretty sure I was pregnant well before I took the test) to not be freaking out inside and have horrible anxiety about it. I started looking at it differently as time went on because I told the women I work with about it (they are all older and grandmas) and got so many responses of happiness and what a blessing it is and that they have had unplanned pregnancies and their children are the best thing that ever happened.
It helps to tell others that are super excited for you and see this as a blessing, the more you share how you feel and talk it over with someone you trust the better you will feel about it over time.
When you are ready to share the news with all of your family and friends then go ahead and share, but if you feel like you need more time to process everything don’t worry about sharing the news with everyone.
Read Positive Stories
If you want to read more about other people’s stories of unplanned pregnancies that became accidental happiness you should read this from thecut.com. It might help you to read other people’s stories and how they got through it. It helped me to not be so upset and anxious to read them so I believe it will help you too!
Reading about other people’s experiences and what they did when facing an unplanned pregnancy helps give you perspective and understand that no matter what your circumstances you can get through this.
Change Your Mindset
You can’t change your circumstances but you can change how you look at them, you are pregnant not as a punishment but as a gift, a little person that you will love more than you can know right now. God chose you to be this babies mom because he knows you can do this, out of all the women out there he chose you for a reason and having this baby is special whether you feel like it is right now or not.
Stop looking at your pregnancy as a negative thing and look at the possibilities that it brings, yes it’s hard being a parent but the reward outweighs the hardship. It won’t be a cakewalk but it will be a wonderful journey and one day you will look back and appreciate the fact that you had this wonderful human being.
I think that God brings about the biggest blessings in the middle of our hardest times, maybe you are in a bad place right now and having this baby is the worst idea. Why would God do this to me you may ask! You might be going through depression or anxiety and this is too much for you at the moment, what if the thing you think will be the worst thing is actually what will bring healing to you?
Could it be that when you are at your lowest that God brought this little light into your life to get you through the pain of what you are dealing with right now?! Maybe you need to face your fears and rely on him for your strength because you have no other choice. In our weakest times, God gives us the strength to get through it by leaning on him daily and asking for help through all of it.
Here is my story:
I haven’t shared this with anyone on my blog and you may wonder why I don’t talk much about my daughter, here is the truth and pain behind it that I want to share with you so that you can see how healing can come from brokenness and tragedy.
My daughter was taken from me when she was three by my ex-husband and the judge gave her to him because I was a stay at home mom with no job to support her. Never mind the fact that he was hardly around her most of her life or that she had never been away from me for more than a few hours.
He lived in a different state because he moved just before the divorce leaving she and I here alone to figure it out until he got his lawyer to find a way to take her from me.
I lost my daughter at three, ripped from my arms without any way to see her without driving hundreds of miles and have someone that wouldn’t let me see her anyway because he was not a good person. I went to counseling for months, I lost it because I was a mom and now I felt I had no purpose. I lived in hatred of any man that came near me and especially for him and tried to hurt everyone around me because I was hurting beyond words with no way to fix it.
It was in all of the hurt and pain that I really found God, up until then I just thought it was religion and trying to be good. The counselor I saw was a very gifted Christian lady that would pray before talking to me and she helped me to see that my pain was like someone died but they didn’t because they still lived and that was worse than death! Having someone understand that and put words with my pain helped break down the walls.
She helped me find that I could forgive my ex-husband so that I could be released and find healing, it had nothing to do with him. When I found that God was actually on my side and catching every tear I cried, wanting to heal me and help me through all the pain, I finally allowed him to do that.
It took years and years but slowly life got better for me and ten years later I found the love of my life and now we have a family together. I still talk to my daughter and we talk about things that happened but it’s not the same as her living with me or being raised by me. She always thought I left her and only in the last few years has she learned the truth because her dad left her stepmom for another woman (who is 20 with two kids) as he did to me.
I had my son and when I was pregnant I was never happier because I was having a baby with the man I loved and I wouldn’t lose him to anyone taking him from me. This pregnancy is something new in the journey and I am afraid it might be a girl this time, if it is, it will bring up a lot of feelings and things I stopped feeling when I lost my daughter, I’m afraid of this but think it is what is planned.
You can’t heal unless you walk back through the door and face what hurt you and that is what this would be for me and it scares me. I hope that you understand what I am trying to say to you about this, everything that happens has a purpose or a way to be turned into good even in the worst of things. Beauty for your ashes!
Final Thoughts On Unexpected Pregnancy
No matter your story and where you are coming from you are not alone, many women have been in the same position and it turned out okay. It may be hard to get used to the fact that you are having a baby right now but in a few months when you have heard the heartbeat and see the ultrasound you might change your mind about it.
It’s okay to be scared of the unknown, this is an adventure in waters that you have not traveled before. If we never did things that were new we wouldn’t know what it’s like to overcome our fears or grow in our walk, it is in these experiences that we learn more about ourselves then we thought possible.
Would you be disappointed at any point if you looked at the pregnancy test and it was negative? If your answer is yes then you are probably just scared for some reason and not unhappy about it. That is how I feel and it is sinking in slowly, I’m not excited yet but it will come after the doctor appointment and talking about my fears.
The same may be true for you, take all the time you need to get used to the idea of a baby and being pregnant and when you are ready you will find that you aren’t upset or shocked anymore, you might even be happy about it. I truly hope that you will be!!!
You can do this momma, this is your new life and who knows where it will lead you!!
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